“They say ignorance is bliss, some other people with mental illness don’t see their descent but I do. I can see myself slipping. I can see the rational side and the logical side but I don’t believe it, I still believe the irrational side and I’m afraid of losing myself” I say to my psychologist… Read More I’m Back
I’ve been inactive since Christmas or New Year’s I’m not really sure now. I thought about what to write in the meantime. I thought I might write about my health kick that came when the New Year rang in but I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. So I thought I will just be honest.… Read More Time To Be Honest
Since I was 11 years old I’ve known that there are certain things that I do that aren’t considered normal or sane. Every night I would say my prayers before bed. I would say the same five prayers and the same special intention prayers every night. If I fell asleep or got distracted during the… Read More How I Got Diagnosed With OCD
Bipolar is a strange disorder. Often people picture a bipolar sufferer to be bursting at the seams with energy, creative and always starting new tasks and basically just crazy. That is during mania or hypomania. When depressed someone with bipolar can lose all focus, where there was once a zest for life and an eagerness… Read More Bipolar Depression – Early Forms
I’ve mentioned before that I am on lithium (mood stabiliser) and seroquel (antipsychotic). I went on medication because of my mixed moods and my delusional paranoia. Both medications were increased due to my worsening mixed moods but mainly to combat my hallucinations. I don’t remember when exactly the hallucinations started. I hallucinate during the day,… Read More Reasons to Medicate
I had a session with the Doc today. “Have the hallucinations gotten better?” No I tell him. I tell him about the man I saw walking behind Rob in our parking lot basement last week, the man who wasn’t there on second glance. I looked but he wasn’t there. I tell him about the music… Read More Side Effects or Madness
I went to work. I met with a friend. I came home. I’m watching TV with Rob. I’m doing everything I should be doing. Yet I still feel this horrible gaping feeling in my chest. I am going through the motions, smiling when I need to, laughing when I am supposed to but there is… Read More Penny For My Thoughts?
So I was asked to come in for an unscheduled or emergency session if you will. The walk to the Doc’s office took ten minutes longer thanks to the drowsiness of the seroquel increase. I sat across from his as always and began to explain to him the symptoms I have been experiencing. The Doc… Read More Beneath the Surface
Today I put an emergency text through to my psychiatrist after another night of hallucinations. I am honestly struggling to write this now. It’s very difficult to explain to you that I am losing grip with reality let alone be able to write about it ‘eloquently’. Last night as I was trying to get to… Read More One Step Closer to the Edge…
I’ve been put on lithium after being told by my psychiatrist, let’s call him Doc now, that my bipolar has brought me to the edge of psychosis and that I am at real risk of becoming completely manic. I become very upset at hearing that I have to go back on the dreaded lithium, the… Read More Lithium – Love It or Hate It