What was I doing again?

I haven’t really written about my ADHD and that’s mainly because it is a relatively new diagnosis and to be honest I’m not really sure where my bipolar ends and my ADHD starts. Bipolar sufferers are often misdiagnosed with ADHD and vice versa but it is no secret that there are overlapping symptoms. Personally, my ADHD symptoms are very much affected by my bipolar moods.

ADHD feels like the saying ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ was thought up specifically for you. It is feeling so creative and inspired but never interested for long enough to finish even one project. It is buying a new guitar because you need to nurture this passion and then forgetting how to play a song because it has been that long since you last played. It is the endless incomplete crossword puzzles. It is attempting to learn your third and fourth languages at once but still not speaking your second language proficiently, or having two incomplete degrees because you couldn’t decide what you wanted to do and ended up going down a completely different path anyway.

ADHD is having a whole list of tasks to do but being so confused about where to start that you don’t really start at all. It is darting around from task to task, trying to complete ten tasks at once and never finishing anything. It is not being able to remember anything. It is having fifty post-it notes and papers around your desk to remind you what to do. It is writing meticulous to-do lists because you will simply forget to do it. It is completing something and forgetting all about it. It is sticking everything to your fridge to make sure it won’t be looked over. It is forgetting to write on the whiteboard you bought to make sure you don’t forget anything.

ADHD is not being able to keep track of a conversation. It is pretending that you’re listening because you are so good at looking like you are but your mind has already wandered off as far as China. It is being asked a question and not being able to respond because you were thinking of that crack in the wall. It is watching sitcoms because they are short and you can’t sit through movies anymore. It is like watching TV or reading and having to re-read or re-watch because you weren’t paying attention. Books and shows take twice as long to finish.

ADHD is not being able to switch your mind off. Even when you are sleeping there are so many things to think about, like the shape of shadows or the fact that people could be lying when they keep their dog in the car with a sign saying the air con is on and they have water. It’s always pondering and wondering about things that are never really meaningful, who was the first person to milk a cow? What would I do if someone told me they were Jesus?

ADHD is being obsessed with routine and getting extremely irritated when someone doesn’t follow that routine, yes it does matter how you fold your socks! It is not being able to focus on anything else besides the fact that man wore white ankle socks with his suit and dress shoes! It is having an anxiety because someone changed the date of an event last minute, Oh my God how am I meant to reorganise myself now?! It is the anxiety you get with being faced to choose what flavour pizza you want or what outfit to wear. It is having extreme emotional reactions to even the slightest thing.

ADHD can make it difficult to work without my medication, even holding a conversation is a task bigger than Ben Hur. This post took 8 revisions before it was actually good enough to post.  Having ADHD is an inconvenience and many people suffer from it much worse than I do. I guess I am fortunate enough that I am able to see a funny side to it.

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